


White Lies | Aot x reader

by Lilar_Stalgia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Commander Erwin Smith, Depressed Reiner Braun, Enemies to Lovers, Eren Yeager Gets Into Fights, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Father figure Levi, Female Reader, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Humor (sometimes), Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Original Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Rating May Change, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, So much angst, Soulmates romantic/platonic, Spoilers for manga nad anime up to season four!, The Galliard brothers are awesome, The reader is very conflicted, The warriors are friends (kinda), Titan Shifter Reader, Warrior Reader, Work In Progress, no smut till the time skip, so many feeings, sometimes no comfort, the ships are mostly background, there will be non-canon deaths, this will be edited later, warrior fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilar_Stalgia/pseuds/Lilar_Stalgia
Summary: The story contains spoilers for manga and anime up to season four!"My sister was a warrior and I always wanted to be just like her. I wished to be seen by her, acknowledged and loved...but I'm not a warrior. I have never been. Sadly...I'm just a soldier."You weren't supposed to be the main character. Growing up in the shadow of your older sister you were just a small piece in the perfect picture. You never really mattered. Your father tried to shape you into a warrior. Your mother just wanted to protect your kind soul. Always in between, never good enough, a girl who wasn't able to satisfy society who looked at her with disgust.Then the world decided to give you a chance but at what price.or: You have really messed up past, many secrets and good reasons to hate Marley and the warriors.
Relationships: Annie Leonhart/Reader, Armin Arlert/Reader, Bertolt Hoover/Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader, Jean Kirstein/Reader, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi/Hange Zoë, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman/Reader, Porco Galliard/Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader, Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Comments: 21
Kudos: 88





	1. Prologue: The beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Before you read my work I want you to know that English is not my first language so even if I checked this, there still might be some mistakes. If you catch them just let me know and I will fix it as quickly as I can. As you see this is basically aot x reader with some backgrounds relationships. I want to believe that the tags will mostly explain what can be expected in the story.  
> Dictionary:  
> [s/h/l] – sister's hair length, [s/h/c] – sister' hair colour, [s/s/c] – sister's skin colour, [s/e/c] – sister's eye colour, [S/n] – Sister's name, [L/n] – last name, [h/l] – hair length, [h/c] – hair colour, [e/c] – eye colour, [M/n] – mother's name, [N/n] – nickname  
> Also special thanks to my friend who helped with translation!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4PSFdqUTy0ncBru0baNemk?si=nHZEDXctQj-ywDFP_U2r7w <\--- the story also has a playlist!  
> Anyway, I hope you will enjoy my work.

Wooden horse-drawn carriage drove quietly, rattling along a muddy path deeper into the forest. A regular pattering of horse hooves and irregular whip lashes could be heard. The wagoner was impatient, the light from the lantern hanging above him reflected in his little, googly eyes. While his hands were clasped tightly around the reins, his eyes never left the distant glow in the dark forest. Beside him sat upright the Professor - he had his lips pressed together into a thin line and wore a black hat with a wide brim. He was looking around hesitantly, wincing at the slightest rustle or crack.

In the carriage, on one seat overlain with an old blanket, slept a young woman covered by Professor's brown jacket. [S/h/l] strands in the [s/h/c] color framed her [s/s/c] face that was painted with a frown. She probably dreamt of something unpleasant. It didn't go unnoticed by a little girl who was watching her. You simply couldn't imagine, though, what worse than this trip could your sister be dreaming of.

You were sitting curled up on the floor, trying to make sense out of what the driver and the Professor were whispering about. With your knees drawn close to your chest and head turned upwards, you were looking at the stars twinkling in the night sky. When you had set off, the rays of the midday sun had intertwined with the shadow of tall trees crowns. Now it seemed like a distant memory.

A cold wind blew from the north and messed up [s/h/c] locks. The driver jerked the reins quickly, and after a while, the carriage stopped with a low groan.

''We are here, wake up your sister.''

You looked at the Professor with a sudden vivacity, then obediently turned towards the woman. You shook her vigorously until you saw [s/e/c] eyes looking at you groggily.

''Did we arrive?" She asked, propping herself up on her elbows. ''Where are we anyway?''

''I told you, no questions.'' He answered.

The man reached out a hand to the older, the jacket slid lazily off her shoulders, and she hopped out of the carriage onto dew-damp grass. She stretched, took a deep breath, and stared blankly into a cloud of steam. Her eyes were still half-lidded, almost as if she was wondering if she even wanted to wake up.

''Wait here, this should not take too long.'' He said to the driver.

The Professor looked at you and nodded suggestively. You immediately donned his navy and slipped out of the carriage to take his hand. The older woman walked proudly a few paces ahead of you, allowing you to hide in her shadow. You preferred to go unnoticed. Irrelevant to the story, only completing the image of your older sister – heroine.

[S/n] was a leader. Perfect daughter. First-rate warrior. Professor's pride. All eyes were constantly on her. She was caring on her shoulders the biggest expectations while keeping her head high, proving her worth with confidence. It was obvious to you, that she was born to change the world. Therefore, you didn't mind living in the shade of her glory.

''Do you remember how to behave?" The professor's gruff voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

He squeezed your hand tighter, forcing you to nod vigorously. Seeing the desired response, he immediately calmed down. He took off his hat and knocked on the door before which you appeared. They belonged to the little budling with short walls and boarded windows. A place so far from the town that no one would hear their whispers.

You felt an unpleasant shiver as the door creaked open and you saw a man with an old face and protruding cheekbones standing in the doorway.

''Finally...you have kept us waiting for you for an incredibly long time, Professor. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was not very clear about the responsibilities...the last time? Perhaps I need to explain the gravity of the situation and the consequences one more time? Possibly mentioning your precious and wonderful...wife?''

''Please forgive me, my-''

''This will not be necessary.'' The melodic voice of [S/n] hung in the air. ''We have encountered some unexpected obstacles on our journey. My father realizes how important this meeting is..this whole matter, that's why we should not waste any more time arguing, won't you agree, sir?''

Anger glowed in the man's eyes only for a moment longer. Professor kept his gaze fixed on his hands, and despite his height, he resembled a huddled puppy that was completely at the mercy of its owner. You smiled reassuringly at him, but the stiff figure didn't move even for a moment.

''Just make sure it doesn't happen next time.'' The man snapped and threw a last glance towards his contemporary.

[S/n] crossed the threshold without another word and Professor did the same. Inside, a kerosene lamp burned warmly, and three other people sat at a small table. Only one of them didn't have an armband.

''Professor [L/n], how lovely that you finally made it.'' Said with forced friendliness a woman with short blonde hair.

''Welcome back [S/n]...'' She nodded at your older sister. ''And this is...?''

Professor let go of your hand and then pushed you forward slightly. The adult's eyes fell on you - a little girl, about seven years old, with [h/l], [h/c] hair that gently covered [s/c] skin of her face, and a pair of piercing [e/c] eyes.

''Ah, well this is my youngest daughter...[Y/n]''

''Adorable girl, but quite different from her father.''

''Quiet, she just has her mother's eyes.'' Spoke a short, broad-shouldered man with a cigarette stuck between his lips. ''Potential candidate?''

''Time will tell but probably not'' [S/n] hugged you closer to herself. ''There are other kids in the second room...try to make some new friends and do not talk with the adults unless asked.'' She whispered, leaning towards you.

''If we are finally all present, I guess we can begin...''

You noiselessly crossed the room, grasped the handle, and easily opened a pair of doors that were on the opposite wall. You slipped into the smaller room and looked up hesitantly at four unfamiliar faces. An uncomfortable silence fell between you.

On the floor sat a lean boy with dull green eyes. Short, dark hair covered his forehead. He was probably drawing up to this point, as indicated by a crumpled sheet of paper and crayons scattered around, but your sudden appearance threw him off guard and he stopped abruptly. Yellow crayon hung in the air.

Beside him was the peer-a boy with brown hair and hazel eyes. You could tell exactly when a shy smile emerged from his vanished confusion. Before you were able to look at the other two children, the boy got up from the floor, brushed off his pants, and took two sweeping steps in your direction.

''Marcel Galliard'' He turned his hand towards you.

You hesitated, overwhelmed by his behavior, but after a second you shook his hand.

''[Y/n] [L/n]...nice to meet you.'' You said, earning the older boy's approval.

''[L/n]? Like Professor and [S/n]? You are her sister?''

''Maybe you should introduce yourself first before asking her even more questions? Look at her, she's shaking with fear like a dying bird.'' Muttered the girl standing against the wall.

Marcel rolled his eyes and pointed to the blond boy sitting on the couch pressed against the wall. His cheeks were crimson from embarrassment and he had a frown on his face.

''This is Reiner.'' Galliard explained. ''And that is Annie.'' He continued, this time showing at the girl with light strands and icy blue eyes leaning against the couch. ''Last but not least, this is Bertholdt.'' He ended with the boy you saw first.

''Sooo...if we know each other now-''

''Yes.'' You interrupted him. ''I am the sister of [S/n] and no, I will not be a warrior like her or a medic like my father.'' You recited with a hint of irritation.

You sat on the floor in absolute silence. Adults were always asking the same questions. They expected you to have a wonderful future, to live up to your sister and your family name, but you were just an average kid. You never stood out from the crowd of grey people. You were colorless. Without your last name, you were a nobody.

But that did not bother them.

Bertholdt straightened his note almost fearfully and moved his crayons closer to you.

''It's all right...you do not have to be someone you are not...just be yourself...be [Y/n].

''Besides, who wants to be a doctor anyway? Terribly boring! You go through people's mouths and dress their wounds, but it's, even more worse when you catch some kind of sickness from them. My brother was very sick once...but of course, he's fine now! Anyway, our dad called a paramedic and he caught my brother's disease. He did not show his face in town for three days because he vomited further than he could see!'' Marcel babbled, taking a seat next to you.

Muffled laughter spread through the room, Annie and Reiner also joined the rest on the floor. Soon the children began to chatter which each other more lively, telling stories, dreams, and little facts about themselves. Galliard was eagerly mentioning his sunflower which he had grown on the parapet. Bertholdt told of the stars and boasted that his father had taught him the names of the constellations. Reiner turned out to be a quiet listener. Annie liked to talk about animals, living in the forest, she especially adored birds.

''They are quite beautiful, some of them has really colorful feathers like fogs. They can fly whenever they want...they are free.''

''But they don't have a home.''

Reiner, who was lying on his back, propped himself up on his elbows and tilted his head to encourage you to keep talking.  
''If they are truly free and even can go to the end of the world, it means that they always change the place where they rest. They don't stay anywhere for too long, they don't have any bonds with other birds, so they never have anyone to return to, they are always on their own...freedom is actually loneliness.''

''That is stupid.'' The boy said, getting up from the ground. ''Besides, that is a terrible example. My mum was telling me that for instance, the doves pair up for life! This way, even if they are so far away...'' He spread his arms and showed the distance. '' they always come back to each other. They come back home! So they never feel alone because they remember that there is always someone waiting for them.''

Bertholdt smiled and finished the drawing he was working on that evening.

''Reiner is right, it's the same with people.''

''Alright, let's make a promise then!'' Marcel caught everyone's attention and grabbed a black pencil that was lying among the crayons. ''That even if we will be free, beyond seas and deserts, we will always come home...to each other.''

Then he drew a small cross on the inside of his left palm.  
''I Marcel Galliard swear...'' The boy made a serious face and placed his spread hand on the heart.

After a while, the others did the same. Each of them put their hand in place and held their breath as you raised your left hand last.

''I [Y/n] [L/n] swear on my life that I will always come to my home no matter where I will be.''

Six months later, they met again. A year later, they repeated their promise with the old pocket knife. When you turned nine, preparations for the mission began. Since then things started to change. 

Your mother never mentioned distant relatives. She didn't like to talk about ancestors. She was always silent when Professor licked the officers' boots. She looked at him as if he was a disgusting cockroach. Perhaps he was indeed nothing more to her than a worm she wanted to crush under her heel.

It was hard to tell if she had ever loved him, but it was obvious that she was disgusted by what he had become. Before [S/n] became a warrior, they fought every night. They stopped when her yellow band changed color to red. Suddenly [S/n] was dead in her eyes.

Professor was rarely home. He took your sister with him. He usually returned late, when the mother was already peacefully asleep. Only you sat on wooden steps, waiting for their return. Mother hated when you went with them. At times like this, she looked at Professor with reproach. Disgust. Helplessness.

One night she couldn't take it anymore.

''Did you really think that you can hide it from me? That I will not notice anything?! People on the streets are talking, I'm not that stupid nor blind yet to not connect the dots when the facts are being thrown right in my face! You believed that I will not understand how they look at me? With pity and jealousy?!

''We should talk about this calmly-''

''You fucking liar!'' She cut him off immediately, tightening her hands on the table edge. ''[S/n] will die in less than thirteen years, I will have to live in a world without my oldest child and you dare to put your filthy hands on [Y/n]. Have I not sacrificed enough?! Not suffered enough, when you walked around with them like a well-trained hound?

''If not for your stupid brother we wouldn't have to do it! There, I said it! It's all his fault!'' He said while his puny body was trembling with anger.

''Don't you dare speaking about Samuel like that.'' She clenched her hand into fists. ''He was right and you know it, even if you are too afraid to admit it. He didn't deserve that kind of end.''

''I don't care what you say and how you are going to defend him! He could go down on his own, but no! He had to drag all this fucking family with him and now I have to do everything to rescue it! If it wasn't for the fact that she is compatible we would be middles titans crawling on that stupid desert. Is this what you want? If not, then shut up and be all happy and grateful while you have your children with you. If they weren't a group of delusional patriots they would be alive as well, and we didn't have to suffer at all! That's the truth! Stop acting innocent you damn well know that you had a part in it.

Your mother with all of the force reaming in her body slapped the man in front of her. She was hardly able to contain her tears.

''If I knew who you really were I would never marry you. No matter what they would say. I would rather stay alone my whole life. You took away one of my daughters...my sweet precious child. You put a monster inside of her and told her to serve the people who killed her family. You made her a slave. I won't let you do it again. They can even send me to Paradis I don't care. Do you hear me? I don't care! [Y/n] is not going to be a warrior to redeem what is said to be a betrayal.

''Can't you see? I'm doing it for her! For us [M/n]! In this world you devour or you are being devoured!

''So I hope you are going to be devoured one day.'' 

The next day at dawn he went out with [S/n] to the main market. He hasn't spoken a word to her. Your mother didn't look at him from above cooking on the gas stew. After the storm, the silence came.

''Do not make friends with that children...you know who I mean.''

''Why?'' You asked, and stopped polishing cutlery. You looked at your mother's form from your spot at the table.

''They are bad company.''

''But dad said-''

''Your father is wrong. I don't want you to play with them, do you understand? They are dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt.'' She said firmly, cutting carrots. For a moment only rhythmical hits of a knife against the board.

''I understand...'' You whispered, looking discreetly at a scarred mark on your left hand. You felt irritated. Your mother never acted like this before. She didn't care who did you play with when you were outside. ''Mom?''

''Hm?'' She hummed in response.

''What were you arguing about yesterday...? [S/n] said not to ask but...but I thought that m-maybe you will tell me this time...'' You stammered out, afraid that you only angered her more. 

Tapping suddenly stopped. [M/n] took a deep breath and put chopped carrot to the pot. She was silent. You almost thought that she decided to ignore this conversation. You were going to open your mouth and ask again when she turned towards you.

She was naturally thin woman with long, shiny [m/h/c] and [m/e/c]. She had small grooves in the area around the mouth. A memory that she used to smile a lot. She was beautiful.

Now her face was covered by a shadow of tiredness. She looked as if she hasn't slept for a very long time. Her eyes became grey and expressionless, hair greasy and full of smaller knots. She looked exhausted as if someone ripped out all life from her soul.

''You know that I love you, right?'' She whispered moving to you and embracing you with her bony arms. ''Most in the whole world...nothing can change that. Stars can stop shining, seas dry out, all flowers fade, animals extinct and I will still love you more than anything. That's why I'm only asking you for one thing, do you understand? I'm asking you to not play with those kids, don't talk with them, don't even look at them. Can you do that for me?'' She stepped aside and embraced your face with her hands. '' Can you do that for mummy, [Y/n]?''

You slowly nodded, trying to understand your mother's sobbing and her cold hands, trembling like branches of the weeping willow. You feel sorry for her but didn't understand how much she was suffering. The mother was always near you. She surrounded you with love even when sometimes you thought she didn't care. She taught you things that she called the truth. They were different from what the elders were daying. Your father was reprimanding her for that. 

Maybe that is why running outside, with a band tightly wrapped on the green jacket you felt the guilt in the pit of your stomach, knowing that you are not going to listen to your mother's voice.

You ran down the main street, then turned into a narrow shortcut, skipping through passages there and jumping over the edges of the pavement slabs. You fell into the puddle and your laughter echoed in the alley. You crossed a few more and finally emerged on the market. You shoved your hands in your pockets and started running again, towards the massive building at the edge of town. Muddy boots tapped evenly, the wind brushed your flushed cheeks. You took a few more steps forward until you ran into someone. With a soft squeak, you fell to the ground, soiling your new pants in the mud.

''Ah, I'm sorry you are so small that I almost missed you.'' Said the voice slightly amused and extended a hand towards you. 

You looked up and caught sight of a teenager with sharp gray eyes and hair in the color of the sun. He wore a long, caramel-colored coat with a red band on his arm. He didn't seem to be a threat, so you took his hand and let him pull you up.

''Where are you going in such a hurry?'' He asked, adjusting the glasses that slipped off his nose.

''Um...I wanted to look at the warriors' training...'' You admitted fidgeting with your hands and not looking away from your shoes.

''I don't know if that is possible for you...though, looking at it from a different perspective...'' The teenager glanced at your band and lightly ruffled your hair. ''I don't think anything bad will happen if you look a little.

''Really?'' You jumped with excitement.

''Really, really.'' He shook his head and grabbed your hand. ''You are the sister of [S/n], huh?'' He asked, leading you through the alley on the grounds of the building.

''Yes. But she never lets me come here! She always says that this is not a place for children. It's just that I'm not a kid anymore!'' You huffed. 

The boy could barely stifle a laugh and walked you past two tall guards at the entrance, then through a short green pavilion to the side door. Inside it was stuffy and dark, but the blond boy was there to guide you all the way.

''You know she's right? There are quite a few shady types hanging around here and I'm sure she just doesn't want you to get hurt. The walls have ears and little girls can get into a lot of trouble.''

''Are you one of them?'' You asked with your [e/c] eyes studying his every move.

''No.'' His voice became a little stiff. ''You are safe with me, I promise.''

Once you were on the stairs, you quickened your pace. On the top, you found yourself in another narrow corridor. A teenager opened the third pair of a door on the left side and you appeared on the balcony with a good view of the training being done. You ran to the railing and stood on your tiptoes to see what was going on down there.

''I can't see anything.'' You pouted with a new frustration.

''Like I said, you are incredibly small.'' He commented rolling his eyes, catching you under the arms, and pulling up. ''Just don't fall down or we will both be in trouble, okay?'' He placed you on his shoulders while his hands rested on the railing.

You were speechless with joy and put your hands in his bright curls. From your new vantage point, you could perfectly see a group of children in identical outfits with yellow bands.

''What are they going to do?''

''Hmm...let me think...I suppose they will probably fight each other. They must be well trained in many different areas, sometimes it can even save their lives.''

''What if they hurt each other?''

''Don't worry about it, it's not that easy to knock down a warrior.''

The group was separated. In the middle of the field was only the blond boy, Reiner you guessed, and the second, also with fair hair. Both of them stood frozen on the sand arena, looking at each other with determination.

''Which one do you think will win? Porco or Reiner?''

''Porco, I think...'' You said rather hesitantly.

The soldier standing between them lowered his hand, signaling the start of the duel, and retreated. Reiner charged in the other boy's direction. His body was leaning forward, indicating that he intended to grab Porco and throw him to the ground. Galliard, however, dodged to the left and raised his right leg to hit the oncoming boy on the chin or hip if Reiner changed his plan quickly. The first boy didn't have enough time for that, so he lunged for the kick and caught Porco at the last moment, causing them both to fall. 

Galliard immediately attempted, with a hard blow to the jaw, to make Reiner lose up his grasp. Braun however, was able to grab the boy's wrists and make his task of breaking free even more difficult. Porco continued to struggle. Finally, when the weight of Reiner's body shifted slightly and he was just blocking him from the waist up with all his strength, he kicked him. Reiner gritted his teeth but remained calm. Porco began kicking and attacking with vigor until finally the grip loosened and Galliard was able to throw the boy off of himself. 

''Porco has a fierce temper...and a massive pride that will not let him lose.'' Remarked the teenager. ''It looks like he does not like Reiner either...'' He added, watching as Galliard rose from the ground, ready to strike against the other warrior.

Reiner, who hit his head on the ground, was also about to get up when Porco kicked him in the stomach in surprise, forcing him to stay down on the sand. He punched again.

''She shouldn't be here.'' At the sound of a woman's voice, you and the boy looked towards the doors. ''Someone could have noticed her and not been so lenient, are you a complete idiot? I thought you'd be more responsible than that.''

[S/n] closed the door and put her hands on her hips. She gave you an annoyed look.

''Oh, come on [S/n]. Nothing bad happened after all. The little one just wanted to watch the training and that is what we have been doing all along...besides, she's your sister, so everyone turn a blind eye.

"Zeke.''

''She should know what is waiting for her.''

''[Y/n] will not be a warrior, so stop your stupid talk.''

''Remember that you are not the one making the decision.'' Zeke looked back into the arena. Reiner was lying dejectedly with one hand in the air as a sign of surrender. ''Just like we though, right [N/n]?'' He turned to you and received a small nod.

Reiner was weak, therefore he lost. He stood up and joined Bertholdt, then Annie and Marcel came into the middle.

''You are spoiling her if going to let her watch all the fights.'' [S/n] folded his hands on her chest and leaned back against the wall.

The teenager smiled minimally in your sister's direction. The duel scenario repeated itself the next three times until the training ended. Zeke set you back down on the floor, stretching and massaging his neck.

''They should have some free time now, so if you look at the gourd with your puppy eyes, he might let you talk to them.'' You nodded your head eagerly and walked back to the building. Zeke just hoped you would not get lost somewhere along the way.

''Demoralization.'' [S/n] frowned.

''I like to call it favoritism.''

He reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out the pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He shook the small, blue pack and put one of them between his lips.

''If you are still going to smoke out package a week, it will be the end of you before you know it.''

''Last time I checked, I don't have much time left anyway.'' He muttered, lighting one up and taking a drag of nicotine. He waited for a while and then let a gray cloud pass his lips. Then he passed the cigarette to your sister.

She grabbed it wordlessly and took a drag.

''This is a real demoralization.''

''Shut up, will you?''

Not ten minutes later you reached the arena, friendly waving in the direction of the others. For a moment you all looked like an average group of children. You forgot that you were warriors. You were just brats, teasing each other in the afternoon sun.

You didn't want to leave the town. You hated your father for it. Mother had to stay. Professor became even more distant. [S/n] stopped talking to you altogether, as if she were angry with you. The elders said it was necessary. You wanted to scream in their faces that you didn't care at all. You cried and pleaded that you wanted to stay with your mother. No one cared what you said.

The decision was made behind the closed door. They said that the good soldiers follow orders without thinking. They believe completely in the rightness of it. You doubted.

The noon before was the worst. [S/n] was checking the packages. Professor was saddling up. Mother was talking to someone on the porch, whispering like she was afraid that if she raised her voice even a little, all her secrets would be spread. You were sitting on the stairs, the same ones you used to wait on for [S/n] and your father. You had cheeks wet from tears and a red nose. You were looking at the front door with sadness.

Mother slipped into the hallway after a moment.

''You will leave as soon as the sun sets'' She sat down beside you and put her arm around you.

''I don't want to go... People say that the island is a scary place and the inhabitants kill others and eat their flesh. I don't want to see them. Ever. What if they really do that and they are nothing you said...'' You said lowering your voice ''Why they can't go without me?

''This way will be better...and remember what I told you. Don't believe your father or anyone else. I did what I could, but I can't protect you as well as I wanted to.'' [M/n] whispered helplessly. ''It's only temporary. A year, maybe a little more, and you will come home. You will see, it will pass before you know it. You are strong and brave...I'm sure you will overcome everything, no matter what. You will be fine because you are my daughter. Do not forget that.

You remained unaffected by your mother's words.

''Okey, if that is the case, I guess I have no choice...wait for me here.''

The woman stood up and walked into the modestly furnished living room. For a while, all that could be heard was the movement of furniture, shuffling, and scraping. Then she came back, holding a leather-covered book. It looked old. The overhanging pages were yellowed and the cover was scratched in several places.

''I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but it looks like now is a much better time. This is a very special book...a journal actually but you must only open it when you are in your new home...and never show it to your sister or father...this will be our little secret, okay?''

Your [e/c] eyes lighten up and you took the gift and start examining every nook and cranny of it. A few seconds ago you were sad, but the gift brought new excitement to your body. You stopped thinking about the future and focused on the book.

''It looks fantastic!'' You said, smiling honestly.

You hid the book in your green jacket and let [M/n] hug you tightly the last time. Your mother's heartbeat calmed you down. Pleasant warmth spread through your body. You did not want to say goodbye forever, but you felt the sharp pain stabbing through your heart as your mother moved away.

Freedom had many names. Thousands of faces. Reflections in the lake. Glimmers in the eyes. Embraces, kisses, deaths. For you, it was called Shiganshina and it was the most beautiful place on earth. You could go wherever you wanted and people didn't look at you with disgust. You felt safe. Accepted. Happy. Free. 

The world proved to be alive. Diverse. Colorful. You drowned in its incomprehensible beauty. You looked for demons, or at least devils with pointy ears that the adults spoke of. You saw only humans, and that made you dumb. You soaked up this strange new world with all your senses, and with each passing day, you felt more a part of it. 

Your new house was near the main gate. You had a small garden full of flowers where [S/n] used to relax after work. There was ivy growing on the railings. Along with it, lilies of the valley, and on the windowsill - hydrangeas. In the marketplace [S/n] sold flower garlands, but also bouquets. The professor was traveling. He was always absent. You didn't know what he did exactly. You learned, however, that he didn't like questions, so you kept quiet. 

Six months after your arrival, [S/n] began to get sick. At first, they were recurring colds. Over time, they became more and more chronic. She languished. She became weaker. Her skin turned gray and thin, stretched over her bones. Her eyes grayed, her hair fell out in clumps. She resembled your mother. 

The local doctor could not diagnose the disease, he usually came every two weeks and was always extremely concerned about the older woman's condition. For the first time in his life, he had seen such a disease. The body of [S/n] was driving itself to death. White cells were attacking her organs and each other, causing senseless destruction. 

She was dying, though it shouldn't be possible. For two months she had only lain in her bed; the professor hated to look at her. He stopped coming into her room. He seemed disappointed. Only you kept your sister company, though she seemed to barely tolerate your presence.

''Are you feeling better?'' You asked playing with your hands and sitting on the chair that was pushed close to your older sister's bed. ''That doctor said that you might recover after the new medicine! Besides, Dad promised to make you a special brew when he comes home. That is what Mom did when I was sick.''

''He always says that. He just takes the money and pretends to do something.'' She huffed, trying to shield her eyes with the back of her hand. ''Dad also lies...it's been four days since he left town. When he finally shows up...I'll probably be dead.'' She muttered softly to herself so you wouldn't hear her. ''The light is annoying...can you close the damn curtains?''

You stood up and obediently darkened the bedroom.

''Even if the doctor does not help and dad is absent...you must get better soon! Because you know...soon we should be back. Everyone must be waiting for us! It's been a year...this place is...is nice, you know? People always smile at me, and sometimes...sometimes I wish I could stay here a little longer. But we have to go back, right? I want to see Mom again and my friends! I hope that they are all okay.'' You babbled, turning back to your sister. ''[S/n]?'' You called out as you realized the room was engulfed in silence. You walked back to the bed.

She looked dead. She had slightly parted blue lips. Her once [s/h/l] hair was now short and uneven with many knots. She had bags under her eyes from many sleepless nights where her throat hurt and her nails were cut to the bone so she could not scratch her wounds. The only evidence she was still alive was her slowly rising chest.

You took her cold hand and brought it to your cheek. A sigh escaped your lips. The paramedic said that there was hope, but why you couldn't see her?

''Dad is not really mad at you...'' You whispered with a lump in your throat. ''It's not your fault that you got sick...it's no one's fault, it's just...the world is just unfair. Mom always said that bad things happen to good people because they can handle it...that is why you will be okay! Because you are strong...you are a warrior and everyone is counting on you!"

Silence. Only regular breathing and the sound of the wind could be heard.

''You can't die...please I don't want to be alone...'' You said in a low voice as you curled next to your sister.

[S/n] turned out to be not strong enough. She lost the fight.

''No! Please...don't do this to her! I can still fight...I can finish the mission! Please, father! Don't hurt her! She's is just a child...she doesn't deserve this! Please!''

''You are too weak...I have no choice...it has to be her.''

''Ther is still time, please! I beg you, wait a little longer! I will get better, I will try harder! Do not force her to do this!''

''I'm scared...I don't want to do this anymore... There are screams outside, Dad, what is going on? Please! We have to go. You promise that we will come home. Please, I'm scared...I don't want this. Please, you are scaring me!''

''This is for your own good. You have to finish what your sister started. It's gonna be okay...you will be fine...your mother was right. You are the one, that is why she kept you away. You are strong and smart...you will understand why I have to do this!''

Your screams turn into shrieks and roars. Terrible howls and whimpers from the injured animal. You threw yourself around, fighting and snarling, jumping between the burning buildings, bodies and blood spilled everywhere until your teeth sunk into human flesh. You didn't know why you were there. Your mind was fuzzy from the memories and the madness. You remembered the hate, but you couldn't remember against whom. There was only the desperate urge to survive.

Your scar disappeared, just like the promise you wanted to believe was never real.


	2. Chapter I: Memory stones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, the first chapter finally arrived! It took me longer than I expected but I'm satisfied with how it turned out.  
> Two new words for the dictionary:  
> [F/n] - father's name  
> [N/n] - nickname  
> I hope as always that you will enjoy the story.  
> If you find any mistakes I promise I will edit this soon and get rid of them.

_Marley year 825  
_ _Dina is expecting a child. I've never seen Grisha so happy. He says all the time that he is sure it will be a boy. He has promised to make me the godfather. I just hope the child will be strong and healthy. I have also found a fiancé for [M/n], he comes from a good family devoted to our adopted homeland. He will be a suitable candidate. His mother is a sensible woman. She will be able to understand why we need him. In the event of an emergency, he will ensure my sister's safety. It's a perfect plan for both our families. [L/n] will gain position and we will get stability. [M/n] will probably hate me for it. She'll curse her older brother every night, but no matter what, I can't put her in danger. This is not her war. There's no reason for her to be involved. Even if she'll never be happy with [F/n], at least she'll be alive, and that's what I crave the most._

— _Samuel_

After the loss of Maria, many children were at the mercy of fate. The workhouses were overcrowded. A small number of the strays were adopted. The rest were forced to survive on the streets. Kidnapped. Murdered. Used. Sometimes they just died of starvation. No one cared that much about them, people became greedy and selfish. The incident changed them. In the midst of all that misery, you were lucky. Two days after the wall came down, you were taken to the orphanage in the Trost District. Being from Shiganshina, you had a chance in the world. Some people used to look at kids like you with compassion. They smiled sympathetically. Others scoffed and said among themselves that you should have died in the dark corners. They called you Maria's orphans and pinned your entire existence on that incident.

Nevertheless, life went on. Humanity rised from the ruins of the catastrophe, though the smell of the massacre was still in the air. Among the rescued, there was a handful still kneeling pathetically. Homeless invalids. They were reminiscent of zombies with their missing limbs, burnt skin, and vacant eyes. They crawled around the market begging for a coin or a piece of bread. Small children burst into tears at the sight of them. Garrison soldiers chased them away if they came too close to the villagers. Their existence absorbed you with terror. You needed to realize what the tragedy had done to them.

You had to understand whose fault it was

That's why you didn't like going for supplies alone. You always had the feeling that someone was watching you. You had the panicky impression that if you let your guard down, a new danger would immediately appear. You kept a low profile and tried not to stand out from the crowd. Just like in your younger years, you preferred not to be noticed. Towns stopped being safe, especially for people who wanted to hide.

The headsitter of your orphanage asked you to buy fresh pastries and some vegetables for dinner. She also suggested that you could take three of the children with you so they could get some air. You were opposed to this idea, but eventually, you agreed. Shana had a gift of persuasion and marauders perfectly knew that you had a fondness for them. One look of watering eyes was enough to melt your heart.

Estra was the oldest. She was eight years old this year. She had blonde hair turned into a pageboy haircut and big, shiny, brown eyes. She asked a lot of questions and just couldn't sit still. She marched ahead, holding a wicker basket. Walking beside her was Aaron - he only had eyes for her. A boy of about six years old with black, that of slinky locks, surrounding his smiling face. He saw no world outside of her. The last was Eric, clinging to the sleeve of your cotton shirt. A shy boy, a year younger than Estra. He judged everything with his keen green eyes. He was mute. The babysitter said he stopped talking after the incident.

After all, he was still a cheerful child who was only misunderstood by others. Fortunately, he could always rely on you. His trust was the greatest thing he could give you. The presence of children brought peace and comfort to your everyday life.

"Estra! Aaron! Stay close to me! I want to be able to see you at all times!'' You shouted in the direction of the dwarves warbling happily together. The girl waved her hand at you and took a glance at your form, only to point to the nearest stall a few seconds later and let out an impenetrable cry of joy. Aaron immediately jumped up and began discussing with her very important topics including what they were going to do when they got home.

You sighed softly and shook your head in resignation. They were like hounds that were unleashed from the chain after a long time. Everything seemed interesting to them, and they had to investigate every nook and cranny in the market. This included petting stray cats and running into bushes. Therefore, it was troublesome to take them everywhere.

''It's always like this with them, am I right? It's like they've never seen traders before.'' You muttered in Eric's direction and he answered you with a nod of his head. ''Remind me next time to come up with an excuse so we can go all by ourselves. We would get things done much faster and could even buy those delicious buns with sunflower seeds. That sounds so much better than our current situation, don't you think?''

The boy smiled from ear to ear. He definitely liked your idea. After that, you could sit down next to the fountain and feed the pigeons with some of your leftover bread. That would have been a dream afternoon. Such a shame that you might not have a chance to experience it.

You quickened your steps a little to catch up with your charges. The sun's rays pleasantly enveloped your figure, making your [e/c] eyes twinkle like stars. The sky was cloudless, even though your intuition told you that rain might come in the evening. The air smelled of moisture and flowers. You fell lightly and lived in that sweet moment of peace.

''Estra!" You shouted as you noticed a stall with an old man from whom you always bought needed ingredients. Sometimes he even had some spices.

The blonde girl ran up to you, Aaron was right behind her.

''I told you not to run so far ahead. You need to be more responsible, Aaron won't even think about the consequences. He'll just run after you like he always does. If you can't worry about your safety, think about his. Don't put both of you in danger, okay?''

''Yeah, yeah. I know that! You're always telling me to watch my back. We were close, you're overreacting.'' She blasphemed and handed you the basket, assuming that was why you called her.

''We promise to be careful, sister [Y/n]!" the six-year-old crowed.

''That's right! It'll be fine, you don't have to worry about us all the time. We can handle anything because you told us how.'' Estra added.

You let them go when you saw them approaching the fountain. You just prayed they wouldn't get the bright idea to fish the coins out from underneath. The last thing you wanted was for them to be berated and for you to get scolded for their thieving tendencies. Of course, they were far from the real criminals. Little brats.

''You can join them if you want, I won't be offended, I promise. And if you're worried about the groceries then I guarantee I'll be fine. I'm pretty strong, you know?'' You patted your forearm and raised your thumb. You wanted him to interact more with other kids.

The brown-haired boy rejected your suggestion, indicating that he preferred to stay by your side. You didn't bother him further and casually walked over to the clerk, who brightened up when he saw you.

''[Y/n]! What's for you, sunshine?''

''It's good to see you too, Anthony. I need some carrots, tomatoes, a little cauliflower, and potatoes.''

''Is this a special occasion?'' He asked, putting the vegetables in your basket.

''The headmistress just mentioned that it's a surprise.''

''Ah, she's always like that.'' He laughed sincerely and took a few coins from you. ''Beautiful and mysterious. Give her my regards, okay?''

''Of course!'' You replied as he handed you the basket.

Eric pulled you by the hand as if on command. You looked down and noticed his hands reaching for the basket. Of course, he didn't want you to carry it. The boy had too good a heart, and you feared that this ungrateful world would break him one day.

''Who needs a prince on a white horse in this world when I have such a great helper...? But if it gets too hard for you, let me know.''

The boy took the basket from you and followed you contentedly as you decided that your next destination would be a small jewelry stall near the main square. Subconsciously, you just wanted to get closer to the rest of the urchins. Eric placed your purchases on the ground to keep a better eye on them while you glanced at the necklaces displayed on a wooden tray. They were beautiful with their intricately twisted wires, iron ornaments, and crystals fitted into their construction. Most of them, however, cost a lot of money. You skimmed over the other products of craftsmanship until finally one, in particular, caught your attention a little longer. It looked rather ordinary compared to the others. It consisted of a thong and a medium-sized [f/c] crystal with rough edges. You gently touched its rough surface with your fingertips and gasped in delight. Its simplicity was captivating.

''You have good taste. It's dyed quartz, it was quarried in the mines within Maria. Now it is very rare to see. It looks inconspicuous, but it is resistant to heavy weather conditions. Sometimes it's called a "memory stone'' by old people.''

You looked up, thinking it was the owner of the stall who wanted to share this additional information with you. However, you saw no one in front of you. Only then did you notice a figure standing next to you in a long, navy blue coat with a hood thrown messily over its head. Judging by the voice, it was a woman.

"It would go well with your eyes. You should buy it.'' She added, glancing over at you, which made you notice her crystal blue eyes.

"Thank you? But I don't have that kind of money, plus I have to buy a few other things-"

"Aaaah! Let go of me!" Came a frightened voice.

You recognized it immediately and felt your heartbeat hysterically against your ribs. It was Estra. Your hands began to sweat and a violent shiver ran through your body. How could you let her out of your sight?! How could this have happened? You should have been more careful, more responsible. Maybe then you wouldn't have had to grab Eric, who was standing next to you, by his shoulders in a panic and look into his equally terrified eyes.

"Run to Anthony and don't look back. I'll be back soon with Estra and Aaron. Everything's all right, and no one is in danger. I'm sure it's a silly misunderstanding and Estra was just frolicking too much at the fountain. Yeah, everything's fine. Now you're going to do exactly as I said.''

The boy had tears in his eyes, and you saw that his hands clenched onto the basket shaking, but you didn't have time to calm him down any further. After receiving a nod, you disengaged yourself from him and without a thought hurried in the direction from which you had heard the cry. The woman you had spoken to earlier saw your silhouette disappear into the street crowd.

Nearly tripping over your own feet, you reached the center of the town square in a panic, looking for a bright mop of hair. With increasing panic, you realized it was nowhere to be seen.

''Estra! Aaron!'' You called, moving through the villagers. ''Where are you, please?!'' You looked around at all the stalls and walked in circles a few times. You couldn't believe that what just happened was your current reality. Guilt weighed down on your shoulders, but fear was stronger as new dark scenarios popped up in your head. Why were you so unpredictable? After all, you knew better than anyone that children should never be left alone under any circumstances.

''I'm really sorry ma'am, but...-'' Suddenly, someone placed a hand on your shoulder, you felt as if you were electrified. Quickly, you pushed the figure back and took a few steps backward. You didn't have time to look closer at the man, your gaze immediately lowered to where you saw Aaron holding the stranger's hand. With difficulty, you suppressed a sob as you pulled the boy away from the man and hugged him to your chest.

May the gods be pleased. It was only a moment without him, but it was like a nightmare for you.

''Just as I thought...he really is your loss. He was crying so loudly that I couldn't ignore it... He said that we had to look for his older sister. It wasn't that hard...there aren't around many young women with [h/l], [h/s], [h/c] hair, and such perfect...[e/c] eyes.'' He continued, his voice seemed extremely uncertain but gentle at the same time. You had a strange feeling that you had heard this voice before. Although the speaker seemed more mature and older than one from your hazy memory.

You shivered as you tried to take a breath, but the adrenaline in your veins told you to keep running and not stopping right now. Estra was still in possible danger. You didn't have time to deal with the unknown stranger.

''Thank you.'' You finally said without looking at him. You focused your attention on Aaron. ''You are going to the Anthony. I need to find Estra.''

''B-but...she's nowhere...! What if something bad happened to her? That big, scary man pulled her by the hand and... and then...'' He spoke between deep breaths and tears running down his cheeks. The hysteria that was in his voice made you want to puke.

''I will find her.'' You said firmly and pushed the boy in the direction where the old man's stall was. ''I will never be able to repay you, but I am truly grateful to you for finding him.'' You addressed the tall man, but you couldn't hear his reply as you passed him and run forward.

''I think that in the not too distant future, there will be something that you will be able to do for me.''

You kept running, suffocating but getting faster, you felt like your lungs were burning with a real fire and your throat itch - scratched from the repeated screams. You left the market far behind, still searching for a child and slowly losing hope.

''Estra! Estra shout, please! Where are you?!''

''[Y/n]!''

Even though you were out of action a moment ago, you now immediately regain control of your exhausted legs and turn in the direction of some side alleys. You had a bad feeling about this. Somewhere in your mind, you were afraid, you had a horrible feeling that one of the living dead was behind all the commotion. You felt an uncomfortable chill at the thought of negotiating with him for the release of the child in exchange for the remaining coins. They were unpredictable. They didn't follow normal morals. After what they had seen, they lost some of their humanity.

Despite everything, you ran into the alley. In the darkness that surrounded everything, you could only catch a glimpse of a broad-shouldered man. He had thrown your little girl over his shoulder while his hand tightly gripped her ankle to prevent her from moving and accidentally kicking him.

''Estra...!'' You called one last time, closing your hands into fists. ''She's just a child...put her down. Take me instead. That's what you want, right?'' You rolled up the sleeves of your shirt. ''Right? She's young, let her blossom in peace, please...''

Tragically, the children were always the victims.

You understood why they chose them as targets. Vulnerable and stupid. Prone to sweet words and empty promises. They were naive, like figures made of plasticine, easily molded, or crushed in the palm of a hand.  
People who used them for their own needs disgusted you. Kids were effortless to manipulate, still, just brats looking for praise and acceptance. If you had the chance, you would slaughter them all to the ground. Unfortunately, you were just a weak woman.

The man without a world dropped the eight-year-old onto the ground. There was no sensitivity, so he was no longer interested in her. He also didn't seem fascinated by your body either. You had no idea what he was up to. Had he really gone to all this trouble just to rob you? He acted like he was looking for something but no words fell from his mouth. He was too well built and tall to be one of the zombies. That got you thinking, what were his true intentions?

You eyed each other for a moment, your opponent seemed to be considering his next move. He leaned forward slightly. You felt as if there was no air in your lungs. Déjà vu ran through your head with a strong force. He was going to fight or defeat you in this position and maybe even kill you. He could take your body to the ground and slam it to the dirty pavement, then close your mouth with his hand so no one would hear your pitiful screams. The strange confidence overwhelms your body. You've never fought, but you've seen duels far too many times not to know some basics. There was determination in your eyes as you watched him move towards you like a predator.

_Fight. Protect. Watch over._

You were meant to be prey. An easy target. You weren't going to let him dominate the situation. Estra looked at you from behind the curtain of her fingers. Life has taught you never to submit.

You had to repel his attack. Losing meant failure, and you didn't agree to endure either of them. He lunged at you, but you went on the defensive. You raised your hands, blocking your face as he approached within inches, you stepped back a step to hit him in the shin, but he dodged. Taught move you didn't expect. Harshly he grabbed you by the left wrist and swung you over his arm, causing your back and head to hit the ground. He knocked you down in one swift motion, who was this man? Normally you would get hit in the stomach and then robbed, but this one was acting up.

You hissed from the pain, the blurry vision not helping you get up. Counterattacking was impossible. He stood there, almost as if he was confused and disappointed with how fast he ended you. After a moment, he knelt beside you and began to touch the inside of your hand. His fingers caressed your palm. You couldn't breathe or do anything to stop him. Your body froze.  
Finally, he stood up and gently dropped your hand to the ground. Your head ached and you began to see dark spots dancing over everything.

''What do you want from me?'' You mutter, beginning to lose consciousness.

''Symbol.'' He replied calmly, but you could see that he was displeased.

''What?'' Your brain couldn't make sense of it, again you try to get up but the sole of his shoe on your chest keeps you in place.

He probably hit you. You didn't remember if he said anything to you or when your eyes fell shut. Your body wasn't adapted to long runs, street fights, and so much stress. You were a simple girl, someone who wasn't exactly meant for that sort of thing, or that was what you'd been telling yourself since the fall.

Estra had brought some help. It turned out she could handle the situation better than you. Without her, you'd probably be lying unconscious in some musty alley by evening. You were awakened by a quick prodding of your body. As soon as you lift your eyelids, you recognize the startled Anthony looking at you with concern.

''Thank Gods, you're alive... Aaron tried to explain, but I still don't quite understand what actually happened?''

There was no blood. He didn't do anything to you. The money was still in your pocket. You parted your lips to answer, but realize that even you can't clarify everything that happened. You tried to refresh in your mind what the events. At first, everything was fine, you were looking at the jewelry at one of the stands, then you heard screaming. You remembered that you started running, some time later someone brought to you, Aaron. Who was this person? A moment later you were with this man in the alley, after all, seconds later you were on the ground defeated. A weakling. Eventually, you weren't strong enough to stop him and prove you can handle him.

Slowly, you turned your gaze to the children. All three of them were terrified. Eric was still taking care of your purchases at your command. At least they were safe and sound. You breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't matter what this creep wanted, people here were weird, maybe he was drunk or on some drugs and couldn't think straight. You could try to forget about it if no one was hurt in the process.

''How long was I unconscious?''

''I'm not sure... Definitely not that long, the kid quickly runs to me. She was screaming that you were dying, so I had no choice but to drop everything and come to the rescue.''

You laugh bitterly.

''Can you get up? I'll drive you back to the orphanage in my carriage. Shana must be going insane now.'' The old man held out his hand and you took it.

You stood up on your feet and immediately felt sick. You had the impression that you could feel the ghost of the man's touch on your skin. You clenched your hands and took a deep breath. Your hand was stained, even if it was only in your mind. That horrible, filthy pervert.

''[Y/n]?''

''I'm fine. It's just dizziness from the fall. Let's go back, we won't be able to avoid the headmistress' lesson anyway.''

Merchant, to make sure that you were really able to walk independently, accompanied you and helped you get into the carriage. The orphans were silent. None of them said a word until the end of the ride. The destination was an average-sized building. Large windows with white curtains, spacious garden, all closer to the end of town. On the porch stood a lone woman. An older lady with short silvery-brown hair and hazel eyes. When she saw the carriage, her head shot up. She started walking, tapping her heels as the clatter of hooves stopped and the horses got held up by Anthony.

''If you wanted me to die of a heart attack, you certainly did your best, young lady!'' Said the headmistress, but when she saw your face and the children still looking scared she calmed her voice. ''What happened? You look like you saw a monster.''

''Can we discuss this inside, alone?''

Shana looked at the man, but he said nothing.

''Go to your room. Come on!'' She clapped her hands, and the hatchlings jumped onto the stone path and ran towards the main door. ''Let's go [N/n], ah and Tony? Thank you for bringing them home.''

Shana led you into the dining room. A huge room with many tables and chairs. Walls with brown rose wallpaper and gently illuminating surface chandelier. She sat down in the corner with you. You tried to tell her the story. Your voice broke, shock still pulsing through your body. You took all the blame, even though the woman insisted it was just an unfortunate twist of fate. You didn't believe in such things.

''Things are like this now... I'm just glad that you came to me in one piece. If that's all, then you can go to your room or help in the kitchen...if you feel strong enough to do so, then don't force yourself for now. I think you've had enough action for the day. Next time I'll send someone from the older boys with you right away. I don't want anything like that to happen again, besides, it wouldn't do any good to bother a garrison soldier.

''Actually, there's one more thing I'd like to talk about.'' You muttered, drawing her attention. Shana adjusted her crooked glasses.

''I'm listening then.''

''Some time ago you asked me what I wanted to do with my life...and I know you probably expected me to stay here to help with the kids, but no matter how much I love them, I can't do that.''

Shana sighed softly.

''I expected that...then what exactly were you thinking about?''

''I want to join the military. Before you say anything, I've already thought about it and I'm sure about it! Recruitment from Trost starts tomorrow. I'm going to enlist, and if everything goes according to plan, I'll vacate my room and move into the barracks.''

''I was always afraid you'd say something like that, you know?'' She whispered, standing up and gently smiling, clasping her hands behind her back. ''When they brought you here with others, I saw a small but stubborn creature who wouldn't let life push her around. You were always determined and liked to have your way. Most of the kids needed months to recover from the aftermath...of disaster, but you got back on your feet faster than anyone. As if you'd forbid yourself from sniveling.'' She turned back in your direction. ''You have the eyes of a soldier [Y/n], I am sure you will do well there...remember that I will always be proud of you. Go there and bring glory to humanity...be a good and sensible leader and people will follow you. You are trustworthy and your future comrades will be able to rely on you.''

You shot to your feet and threw yourself at the older woman, hugging her tightly. Tears came to your [e/c] eyes and soaked her cotton sweater. Shana was like a mother to you. Warm and supportive. She never pushed you away.

"Thank you...''

''You don't have to...I was just telling the truth. Perhaps I once dreamed that a real lady would rise upon my care here, but you are yourself and I could ask for nothing better. Be a soldier, if that's what you want. Write us letters, okay? The kids will miss you, but they'll be able to brag on the street about their big sister fighting on their behalf, right?''

''Of course.'' You muttered, trying to prevent a sob from forming in your throat. ''I just hope that in their lifetime, it won't occur to them to follow in my footsteps.''

''Oh, but don't be surprised if that happens. You inspire them, who knows, maybe one day you'll greet them and hand them the cape.'' Said Shana with a smile and kissed the top of your head lovingly. ''Now, my little crybaby, unpack the things and get some rest. Tomorrow you have to get up really early, we don't want anyone to take your place!''

You laugh softly, but honestly, and release the headmistress from your bone-crushing hug. You were lucky, after that day you weren't sure if you would ever smile again.

As requested, you moved to located in the basement kitchen. On the counter was a basket with all the things you had bought earlier. You began emptying it one by one until you reached the bottom, where you saw something shiny. Surprised, you reached for it with your hand and pulled out the necklace you had been admiring a few hours ago. [F/c] stone swung lightly in the air.

''How did this end up here...?'' You whispered, turning the beautiful crystal in your hand.

The hooded figure. How on earth was she connected to this incident? Why would a stranger give you something not so cheap? You had too little information, so you put the pedant in your pocket for now and left the room. You had no intention of hysterically searching for an answer. Right now, the most important thing was to get to the training corps.

_Trost year 847_  
_My application for the One Hundred and Fourth Training Corps has been favorably received. Estra, Aaron, and Eric cried all day after the verdict was announced. They forbade me to die and demanded full reports on life in the barracks. I'm not worried about them. They are in good hands. I just hope that I will have a chance to see them again. I always know that Trost will only be a temporary stopover, but I am afraid of what is waiting for me behind these walls. I'm not ready to face it, but I had to move on. It's the only way to finish what she started. I'm not sure I'm ready to sacrifice everything I have, but I can't let anyone down. Not again._

_— [Y/n]_

The sky was once again clear and cloudless. You could smell the scent of wet earth. Young divisions stood in the wide-open field. Some of them had faces contorted with fear, others showed no terror and proudly presented themselves in line. The same uniforms shone in the sun. You stood among people who were decelerating their devotion to the case and whose faces were growing whiter with every passing second. They weren't ready to die, they didn't want to. They found themselves in the new sandy arena, learning how to survive. Soldiers. Just like you.

A tall man with a dangerous-looking face walked among the cadets, holding his hands behind his back. His dark eyes assessed each of the recruits. He seemed crashed, a veteran. He had a loud voice, but full of unspoken looks of horror. Still, he instilled respect and the aura surrounding him gave goosebumps. His soul was broken, but the flames still glowed within him.

''I don't care what you've done up to this moment. It won't matter here anyway. I will break every single one of you and build soldiers that will be useful to humanity in the future. Now you are nothing, you have no skills, no knowledge, and no experience. Most of you have probably never seen a Titan with your own eyes!'' Keith made a figure-eight pattern with his steps. ''In your current state, you wouldn't be any trouble for them. They would grab you with their hands and then devour you. You would die within minutes. Your companions wouldn't even hear your cry or your pitiful plea for help.'' He stopped and looked at them all. '' But that is exactly why you are here. To reach a chance to survive! Anyone unwilling to face the constant recall of death will never be able to fight. Fear is not your enemy, it is there to remind you why you are still alive, why you haven't given up yet, and what awaits you if you surrender! Humans are weak. We always have been, but we have the will to succeed, that's what makes us who we are.''

He then stepped closer to the youths and began questioning them about their reasons for showing up in the area and joining the corps. He chose timid ones, overconfident ones, or ones who smiled easily. He made sure no one similar stayed with the pupils.

You heard many new names, places you didn't even know existed. You tried to look discreetly at those who answered. You were curious to see what kind of people they were. You saw a girl with a red scarf. A boy with freckles. Teenager with blonde hair and someone being scolded for saluting incorrectly. In between, you spotted a giant-sized boy. You frowned a little.  
Shadis dismissed the line and it was time for the one you were standing in. You caught his gaze.

''Who are you and what are you doing here!" He roared right in your face.

You saluted and took a deep breath to calm your mad heart.

''[Y/n] [L/n] from Shiganshina District.'' You felt uncomfortable stares, someone almost dug holes in your back. ''I want to eliminate the enemies of humanity and bring it glory and peace! For that, I will sacrifice my life.''

''So you desire to die, Cadet [L/n]? Do you want to end up in the Titan's mouth?''

''No, sir.'' You swallowed the lump in your throat. ''I want to live and see a better world without those monsters!''

''Maybe you won't end up like an appetizer for the Titans then, but fate tends to be perverse...next row to the front!''

You exhale quietly and retreat along with the others. You could feel the stress making itself felt in your stomach, you never wanted to get that close to that man again. Just the thought of it made you feel ready to swoon. He was beyond intimidating and creepy.

The greeting continued for some time, ending with one poor girl having to run as punishment for stealing a single potato until she could take no more. You struggled to stifle a quiet laugh as you saw her face full of terror. She shouldn't have done that, but you thought that the lesson she was being taught was necessarily rude.

Everyone was sent to the barracks, but some of the boys and girls stayed on the porch and watched the running girl. Her brown ponytail swung in the air. Despite the idiocy of the situation, her dedication was admirable. You put on some more comfortable clothes and leaned against the railing, following her with your gaze.

''Okey, say what you want, but this girl really has great stamina. She hasn't stopped for a few hours now, so she has to be durable. That's going to come in handy for her here. Flexible and tempered body.'' You said after some time.

''True, but she wouldn't have to do that if she thought of the consequences and didn't steal that stupid potato. She's just greedy.'' The boy with the gray buzzcut told you and clasped his hands behind his head. ''That was just a stupid thing to do, especially on the first day. Besides, when did she even have the chance to sneak in there unnoticed and steal something?''

''Dumb people are always lucky.'' You chuckle a little. ''No one expected it, so the kitchen was probably empty at this hour.''

''You really got into defending her, you know?'' Said another voice. You looked at the freckled boy.

''I guess someone has to ''mister I will give myself and my abilities to the king'' if you all decided to make fun of her.'' You winked at him, watching his slight embarrassment. No one would forget his little speech from the bottom of his heart.

The rest of the group laughed and you smiled in satisfaction.

''Yeah, okay, you nailed it. I think most of us did some stupid shit today, em... I forgot your name, sorry.'' The silver-haired boy spread his arms innocently. ''Can you say it again? I was too busy massaging my skull after that boor mistook it for a nut or something.''

''[Y/n]'' You answered while were looking at him. ''If you remembered how to salute, you would be good. It's the easiest thing in the army after all.''

''I was just nervous, okay? He looked like he was about to kill me. I thought his eyeball was just going to explode... but by the way, I'm Connie.''

''Ah, now you see, it's not so funny when you're the one being made fun of.'' Said the boy, whose name, if you remember well, was Marco.

''Hey.'' You heard a new voice regain your attention, but suddenly it was just a whisper. ''In that field back there...you said you were from Shiganshina, right?" Asked the green-eyed teenager.

''Um, yeah. I said. What about it?''

You felt your heart skip a little.

''Your last name is [L/n]. My father was a doctor and he always came to check on your sister if I'm correct. The thing is, we have met before. I'm Eren. Eren Yeager. Once my father took me with him and you were there too.''

_Yeager? Back in Shiganshina?_

You found images in your mind of a little boy and his worried father. Those teal-colored orbs couldn't belong to anyone else.

''Gods... I almost can't believe it. Last time you had your hands in the mud and now it looks like we both decided to end up here. In another way, it's good to see you, Eren... I'm glad you survived.'' You smiled faintly at him, at the same time Mina suddenly looked somewhere behind the potato girl and pointed at the horse carriage climbing up the loop.

''What's that?''

''First screening. Shadis scared of those who are unable to work under pressure. They'll probably be sent to the fields, there still aren't enough young people who can work there, so at least they'll be useful for something. Pulling out the weeds is also an important task. At least nothing will eat you in the process.'' Marco explained.

''Serves them right, this is not a place for weaklings.'' At Eren's words, you looked at him taken back. He was as confident as ever.

''Eren, you can't just say something like that.'' His blond-haired friend scolded him.

''But it's true! Just like Shadis said.''

''The other way around...'' Marco decided to change the subject. ''Where are you guys come from? I don't think he asked you other than [Y/n].''

''We're both from Shiganshina, just like [Y/n].'' Eren put his arm around the other boy and sent you a knowing look and you just nodded at him.

''So...'' Started the freckled boy.

''You were there when it happened?'' Crowed like a rooster Connie.

You immediately felt uncomfortable just like a couple of days earlier during that strange attack. Stormy memories were blowing up your mind from the inside and bowling over all your organs on the other side. You didn't want to go into the details about it.

''You can't just ask them about it, you know damn well that some of them-''

''Yes, we were.'' Eren interrupted him strangely calm.

You haven't stayed for the rest of the conversation. You used some excuse that you want to spend time with the rest of the girls, you went with Mina who decided to join you back to the barracks. You were not in the mood for this, and you preferred to avoid it at least for a while.

Of course, the topic didn't go away that quickly. During supper, it started again even more fiercely. You were beyond pissed. Eren offered you a place next to him, this way you had a chance to meet his kinda adopted sister and speak with the boy named Armin. He was rather nice and assured you that if you want you can stick with them. However, even with that company, your table was occupied by other cadets, asking various questions. You felt like you were suffocating.

You were silent, from the corner of your eyes you could see that Mikasa was staring at you. You tried not to bring attention to yourself. If Eren had to talk it better be only about himself. The whole corps was excited as if with a little less luck they wouldn't be in the same position as Maria's orphans or torn-up people. Loud. Annoying. On the one hand, they didn't want to have anything to do with that beasts but on the other hand, they were crying for every detail of his story as if their lives were depending on it. You soaked your bread in the soup and after a moment took a bite of it.

''Okay, so how the Titans really look like?'' You heard the shred of the conversation and then the sound of the falling spoon. You looked at the brown-haired boy.

''Hey, maybe that's enough?'' You muttered sarcastically but Eren completely ignored you and threw himself into the whirlwind of reporting with even grated dedication.

Weirdo – you thought. Stupid one perhaps too. At the same time, the shining determination was pointing out that he didn't go back on his words. In some way you were similar.

''That day I saw something strange. When we were running away with Mikasa to the boat in the back you could see an odd titan. It wasn't even about how he looked like but his features were also different from the others...even for abnormal he couldn't go unnoticed. He was falling on the buildings and screaming horribly...his roar was seriously hideous then he tripped over and just laid there struck down... He was not trying to get up.'' Said Eren.

''Maybe someone from garrison overpowered him?'' Asked Marco.

''I doubt.'' You said bitterly. ''During the process of creating the rupture, they weren't doing much. They yelled and stumbled over their own legs. They were useless.''

You moved aside your plate, getting ready to leave the mess hall. Eren said some proud words that made laugh the boy with a prominent jaw sitting by the next table. You saw that it was the table where also sat, Marco. Both of the boys stood up, ready to throw themselves at each other's throats. 

''I had you for someone more intelligent when Shadis didn't take on the morning briefing but from what I see you are a complete idiot. Don't try to act tough I'm sure that you only got a big mouth! You will join your beloved scouts, and then you will probably be crushed by a titan's foot on the first mission beyond the walls. People like you always end up dead.''

''And you only want to live a peaceful life in the military police, you only think about what you have to do to not have to worry when the next wall falls. Isn't that selfish? What about the others?''

''At least I'm honest.'' He shrugged. Eren was like a ticking bomb that can explode and destroy everything within a good few meters.

Luckily the sound of the bell ringing, coming from the outside stopped a possible fight. No matter how this evening was going to end you stood up from your place.

''You alright?'' Armin's concerned voice reached you.

''Fine, just a headache. I will look around the fields.''

He nodded. You left them and finally felt like you can breathe. You went back to the wooden veranda and sat there. The place gave you more space to think and relax. Your eyes closed for a moment. The racket around you was not so loud anymore.

Your hand reached to the pocket of your trousers. The necklace. You could feel the cold material of rock between your fingers. Without opening your eyes you placed it gently around your neck. You liked it, for some strange reason he was bringing you comfort.

You came to the girl's barrack as the last one, you came to the dark room and waling on your tiptoes you moved in the direction of your bed. You fell down with a quiet sigh.

''I was wondering if the empty bed to that late hour meant that someone gave up, but I guess I was wrong.'' Called the voice on your right.

''I needed to collect my thoughts, everyone was so noisy.'' You muttered, covering yourself up with the quilt and turning back to the girl. ''On the outside was not that cold, so I decided to sit there.''  
As an answer, you heard a sight and a rustle of covers, then for a long time there was silence. You thought that she probably fell asleep. You closed your eyes and chose a comfortable position, feeling like your body is relaxing.

''If we are going to sleep next to each other for another three years I think we should at least know our names. I'm Annie Leonhart.''

Your body went still. Your breath became hollow and unstable. Your heart mover to your throat. You wanted to panic because the name was too familiar, you wanted to cry and scream for so many reasons, but you remained silent. Very slowly you turned towards the girl.

''Nice to meet you, Annie. I'm [Y/n] [L/n].

If your childhood ever taught you anything it was how to lie.


End file.
